Right. So, back on track here... though a little late.
When I was in the ER I thought about this question a lot. Who is my biggest supporter?
Well, if I had to choose a biggest supporter(s), it would be the D-OC. I don't mean that my parents and my friends aren't supportive, but before I found out there were all these people online with diabetes I felt really different and no one really understood any of what it was like to live with diabetes.
Particularly poignant in this journey was when I got my insulin pump. I was really excited before I got it, but once I had to wear it all the time I realized that diabetes was no longer something that I could test, inject and then put away in my bag- it became something that was with me all the time. My pump became a memento mori of sorts, always there to remind me of the diabeetus. And, from there, I felt an anger about having diabetes that I'd never felt in my life. I got angry that everyone else I met got to eat whatever they wanted and didn't have to input it into a stupid machine. I got angry that my body failed me in a way that no one else understood. And then I got super angry and sad when one day I got on the subway are realized that everyone was starring at my infusion site on my arm and the pump on my hip... I got angry, because all of the sudden I realized I'm different and there was no one around who got any of it...
I know a lot of people read about my visit to the Banting House museum back in January where I think I came to terms with a lot of the major angry feelings that were bothering me (I say MAJOR feelings, because I still have those days when I want to throw my pump and meter across the room!). But, anyway, coming to terms was some of that stuff wasn't just about the visit. I think it was also because for the first time in my life I had people to talk or even just see online that were like me. So, whether I talk to you about diabetes or read your blog or just even see that your online... and whether you have diabetes or have diabetes by default because you are speaking up for a loved on... I think that you guys are my biggest supports and supporters. I'm really glad I stumbled onto you all and thanks for making me feel at welcome and... dare I say... normal.
From the bottom of my pump heart: Thanks.
When I was in the ER I thought about this question a lot. Who is my biggest supporter?
Well, if I had to choose a biggest supporter(s), it would be the D-OC. I don't mean that my parents and my friends aren't supportive, but before I found out there were all these people online with diabetes I felt really different and no one really understood any of what it was like to live with diabetes.
Particularly poignant in this journey was when I got my insulin pump. I was really excited before I got it, but once I had to wear it all the time I realized that diabetes was no longer something that I could test, inject and then put away in my bag- it became something that was with me all the time. My pump became a memento mori of sorts, always there to remind me of the diabeetus. And, from there, I felt an anger about having diabetes that I'd never felt in my life. I got angry that everyone else I met got to eat whatever they wanted and didn't have to input it into a stupid machine. I got angry that my body failed me in a way that no one else understood. And then I got super angry and sad when one day I got on the subway are realized that everyone was starring at my infusion site on my arm and the pump on my hip... I got angry, because all of the sudden I realized I'm different and there was no one around who got any of it...
I know a lot of people read about my visit to the Banting House museum back in January where I think I came to terms with a lot of the major angry feelings that were bothering me (I say MAJOR feelings, because I still have those days when I want to throw my pump and meter across the room!). But, anyway, coming to terms was some of that stuff wasn't just about the visit. I think it was also because for the first time in my life I had people to talk or even just see online that were like me. So, whether I talk to you about diabetes or read your blog or just even see that your online... and whether you have diabetes or have diabetes by default because you are speaking up for a loved on... I think that you guys are my biggest supports and supporters. I'm really glad I stumbled onto you all and thanks for making me feel at welcome and... dare I say... normal.
From the bottom of my pump heart: Thanks.
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3 comments:
I also take great comfort from the DOC and am grateful for all that they give. It's an amazing group who did a fabulous job with DBW!
It's true! Everyone did a fantastic job... I learned so much from everyone and found lots of new blogs like yours.
Thanks. And thanks for your comments. :)
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