I changed my mind...

So, I was going to write this blog post about how I've been sick since the start of last September. I was going to talk about the crippling fatigue and joint pain. I was going to describe how depressing it was trying to get to class on time in the morning, but failing miserably because my hands moved more like lobster claws than extremities with digits capable of fine motor skills. I was going to tell you how I've had a thousand blood tests, x-rays and ultrasounds done and all have come back fine. That my family doctor has written me off as 'merely depressed' (ironic considering the amount of anti-depressants running through my system) and given up trying to diagnose anything. I was going to tell you that as a last resort I've turned to my endocrinologist for answers and that today she gave my more results with no answers.

I would have said that every time I have a battery of tests and wait for the results it feels like looking forward to finding out I'm diabetic all over again... and that, without fail, every single time I've gotten butterflies in my stomach, a lump in my throat and may even resort to crying. "I've already gone through this," I think "why do I have to do it again?"

But then, I came home and there waiting was a post by a Twitter friend @rpederse. It said:

As Twitter friend Virtue B. suggested in tweeted comments on my post, focus on the daily stuff makes recovery from a mistake much easier.

And, as I read the post, I thought maybe I should take heed my own words and forget the big picture for a bit. I've been doing much better lately; mostly what is hurting now is the idea that my symptoms will all come barrelling back... But worrying about what might be can be debilitating in its own right. This is a lesson I remember learning through diabetes and all its potential complications-- I guess I just needed the reminder that it is easily required by many of life's other quandaries.